He’s not content with that.
So one day, sitting on the floor by my closet, crying, I heard my God speak to me for the first time that I can really remember. “Hannah, do you trust me?” “What kind of a question is that?!” I answered Him. “Of course I do! I’ve accepted You as my Savior, I read my Bible, I’m sitting here seeking You, aren’t I?!” He didn’t answer me for awhile. He just let me sit and then after I had cried some more He asked me again, “Do you trust me, Hannah?” Honestly, I was kind of frustrated. “God, why are you asking me this? Why are you making me struggle? Of course I trust You.” He let me sit for awhile again and then He came back and quietly said
“Hannah…. do you Really trust Me?”
All of a sudden I realized how little I knew Him, how little I really trusted Him. I had to admit that I didn’t really trust Him, I was afraid to trust Him because somehow I had gotten it into my head that if I trusted Him with what was most important to me, He would take it away, as some kind of test. I thought that the next question would immediately be “How much do you trust me?” but it wasn’t. Instead I felt His love wash over me like I never had before. I’m grateful that He knows every thought of my heart, even when I don’t understand them. He understood my fear and confusion even without me admitting it. I felt like a new world had been opened up to me. He slowly began to show me more about Himself. My favorite verse quickly became 2 Cor. 12:9-10:
“And He said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me… For when I am weak, then am I strong.”
I began to realize that God doesn’t want independent Christians that rely on their own strength and abilities to do His work. He wants His people to understand that their greatest potential will be reached not on their own merit, but through His power, love, and grace revealed in their lives. This verse is a continual lesson for me to learn to stop trying to do things on my own and simply trust His working in and through me. And really, how can I not trust Him? Why is it always such a struggle for us to simply let go of our need for control and simply trust? Ps.139:17-18 is such a perfect example of why we can trust Him without a second thought!
“How great are the thoughts Thou hast for me, O God, how vast is the sum of them. If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sands of the sea.”
Can you imagine how many grains of sand you can hold in your hand? Every single one of those grains represents a thought, or plan, that God has for you. Now imagine the sand along the seashore. Miles and miles of grains of sand! Millions upon millions of thoughts and plans that God has for us.
How could we not trust a God who thinks of us every second of every day?
And that’s not just us as a collective group, a church body, or a family. This is Almighty God thinking about each and every one of us as if there was only one of us.
St. Augustine once said something that sums it up so well for me:
Suppose God proposed to you a deal and said, “I will give you anything you want. You can posses the whole world. Nothing will be impossible for you…. Nothing will be a sin, nothing forbidden. You will never die, never have pain, never have anything you do not want and always have anything you do want — except for just one thing: you will never see My face.”
Augustine closed with a question:
“Did a chill rise in your hearts, when you heard the words, ‘you will never see my face’? That chill is the most precious thing in you; that is the pure love of God.”
Doesn’t that just put everything into perspective? What would you choose to have that would be worth giving up Christ and His work, His plans, for you? Do you trust that His plans are better than anything you could choose for yourself?
Contentment is not a Place. It’s a Journey. A journey towards trusting Jesus more than anything else.
Mark 8:36, “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”